Dear Supwitchugirl,

Thank you for the relevance.

Eternally,
Mark Morrison

Oregon’s biggest hit since LeGarette Blount just uppercut the world wide web last week. Supwitchugirl, whom we admittedly know nothing about and will freely fabricate backstory where needed, just released a sequel on par with Godfather II, Empire Strikes Back, Aliens and Breakin’ 2: Electric Bugaloo as creations that rival and perhaps surpass the original.

Supwitchugirl, though talented and creative, had not hit the proverbial tipping point until the Oregon trio released “I Love My Ducks” in the fall of ‘09. It went down as, perhaps, the best college football fan anthem ever created. I mean, “Holy moly, is that my boy Masoli? Cookin’ up the offense like he’s cookin’ ravioli” is truly inspired work…taking that to a Spicoli / E.coli rhyme and a 300 average when he goes Rose Bowling was some serious next level shit.

For the record, that was not Masoli cookin’ up the offense, that was Masoli breakin’ and enterin’, which is exactly unlike poppin’ and lockin’ (is that Van Damme?).

Here is the gritty og, aka “I Smell Roses”:

Notice the innovative nighttime and moving camera shots, the cell-phone quality “inside Autzen clips”, the limited and off-duty access to Donald the mascot Duck.

Flash forward, if you will, to late September 2010 and Supwitchugirl’s much ballyhooed and über-hyped follow up effort….”Return of the Quack”. The University knows a good thing when they see it, and by good thing I mean merchandising opportunity. Of the one million or so views of all the versions and remixes of the original, you know a chancellor of this or that watched, brought it to a dean’s attention who viraled it to a president who decided…all access passes to the field, the cheerleaders and the mascot were an order.

Anyhow, you can plainly see two things in this follow up effort…Joey Harrington is really awkward and Supwitchugirl are now some heavy-hitters in Eugene with a bit of Phil Knight-like backing. Oh my video production quality…

The video is such a bittersweet thing for us. On one hand, as serious Boise State fans, we find it really cute and wish our little brother-like Ducks well…and on the other we are super envious and almost inspired enough to get the man band back together. Almost.

Either way, Mark Morrison, you owe Supwitchugirl some love after your youtube relevance must have skyrocketed in recent weeks. I know I found myself watching and rewatching this gem. Is he from UK? If not, is his steering wheel? Enjoy, and think of rollerskating parties past…

The LeBron clamor has finally died down to a tolerable din, and we at 4th & Forever consciously let in-house emotions settle a bit before releasing our LeBron shirt, officially the 372,569th tee shirt about LeBron that has been created since James decided to take his talents to South Beach. In the end it was a very, very good thing we waited. Our emotions were running so high after “The Decision” we initially designed False Prophet employing the “Comic Sans” typeface…a virtual death sentence for any designer. It is more than simply difficult to regain one’s street cred after he or she makes the mistake of publishing any media that uses Comic Sans, and we only wish Cavs’ owner, Dan Gilbert, would have observed the two minute rule before hitting send on his vitriolic, scorned-lover sort of stream-of-consciousness condemnation of all things LeBron…typed in Comic Sans. I don’t even think it was in bold. I think people would have taken his curse-casting email a little more seriously (Not Jesse Jackson sort of seriously, but who does?) had he used something more boring, though time-tested, like Helvetica. Just saying.

And that said, here are the color choices we’re thinking about for False Prophet…our long-overdue follow up to “Witness Protection Program” we released after the “Lebron getting dunked on and the video being confiscated by Nike” scandal. Please let us know your thoughts. Please get this in the hands of Dan Gilbert before the return of the King. We’d like to see the entire arena in these shirts for that game (and every other game, for what it’s worth…which is worth a lot, to us).

The Shirt will be available in the next few days. Keep an eye on our site, and register for our newsletter. The newsletter is generally filled with important bits of wild misinformation and comes out about two times a year. Maybe three.

In the meantime, peep this beautiful contribution to the cause…and that cause being: making the world a better place one new craft beer at a time. A brewery in Ohio just released a “QUITNESS” IPA that, so very appropriately, leaves a decidedly bitter taste in your mouth. Awesome.

Wow. Upon further review, both Kriss and Kross, at age 11, are harder than I was / will ever be.

If, somehow, the Big 12 is exceptionally persuasive and manages to stem the flow by not only retaining the Texas and OK schools, but also wooing the power from the MWC, I say Boise State roll the m-effin’ die and take their program independent for three seasons, or until all this settles and the BCS contract is done anyhow. How bold would that be? Suicide? Perhaps…but, honestly, the only reason ESPN bothers to sign a contract with the WAC is for BSU. Call me myopic, but I can see no meeting in which ESPN TV execs are clamoring and banging tables and outright demanding they land the Idaho – Utah St. game in a primetime slot. So, it seems, BSU would not be without TV money (and TV money they would not have to split with SJSU), and a TV deal that could even be more lucrative than what the current deal offers…or a move to the MWC and their stunning array of broadcast partners might be able to provide. If nothing else, BSU has become “Must-See-TV”™ on ESPN.

Free of most delusions, I am aware Boise State remains a circus in many people’s eyes (circus, get it)…an appetizer that deserves a slot on Tues/Wed/Thurs/Fri evening and need not be anointed Saturday afternoon network royalty…both aware and certainly OK with this. I’ll ride the reputation of “upstart spunky trickster” right to the NCAA championship game. Gladly. Can you put a price tag on near weekly, national exposure on a stage void of competition for viewers’ eyeballs? Well, I’m sure people smarter than I could, but I cannot. I can’t tell you which is worth more to the BSU Football Broncos…the extra $3 million they’d receive in tv partnerships through the MWC and it’s affiliates (who are seen exactly nowhere in the US outside of Laramie, WY and a few hotbeds in central UT), or national exposure on ESPN at least every other week. Would BSU have landed New Jersey’s Kyle Wilson without its ESPN exposure?Texas’ George Iloka and his amazing Kwamé tribute do? If you don’t remember the hip hop superstar with a logo dedicated to his high top fade, here is an amazing video from “The Bone Age”.

Either way, Kwamé’s questionable fashion notwithstanding, as of this morning, University of Texas is toying with following Mizzou’s lead (what?) and pledging its allegiance to the Big 12. Hey Texas, the only reason Mizzou stayed is because the Big 10 jilted the Tigers at the alter. You understand they would leave tomorrow if the if the opportunity arose? Don’t get me wrong, I think a limited expansion to a Big 10/12 (what would they call this conference now) and a Pac 12 is perfect…if those conference do not poach the current MWC lineup. That would be ideal…however, the economics of the situation almost demand schools like Utah, TCU, BYU and BSU jump when they can jump…and though we’re fine blaming BYU for loads of other things, we couldn’t blame them for pulling a Jeffersons and moving on up…but we can hope it doesn’t happen.

Whatever. The entire future of NCAA Football and the tradition of “the little guy” hinges on the 2010 Boise State Campaign…and we just received word that though BSU fans will be outnumbered approximately 84,367 fans to 5,633 when Boise takes on VaTech in DC this Labor Day the Boise State Broncos opened as 2.5 point favorites. Wow. Much respect given Trickeration Nation.

We’ve heard rumors that U of O will be changing their uniforms (no surprise there) and logo in light of recent events, and it may look a little like this…

Honestly, we’re pretty sure this precipitous slide all started on a fine evening in Boise last September…yeah, the now famous night when the now infamous LeGarrette Blount-Force Trauma had his lunch handed to him during the game, and took out his frustrations afterwards on dude’s jaw.

So today we hear that after an offseason filled with a star quarterback’s fraternity thefts (season-long suspension) and a star running back’s girlfriend choking (a few game suspension…odd in-house sentencing), U of O has dismissed the QB that makes that shitshow go, Jeremiah Masoli, for a “failure to adhere to obligations”. We shudder to think about how stringent those obligations assuredly were. I mean, even LGB got himself reinstated. We can’t decide if Chip Kelly has absolutely no idea how to keep that program afloat, or if Bellotti saw the monster he had created/recruited and ducked out (pun totally intended) while they were only 0-1 against BSU. He did make a curious exit from coaching and an even curiouser exit from his 9 month stint as the AD.

This post really has no point, other than to let you know we still Love Our Ducks and that Bad Moon Over Autzen remains a hot seller in the 541.

Kobe Bryant is the most polarizing player in the NBA. Some people love Kobe. Others love to hate him. We happen to fall in the latter camp. So, yes, we sell a t-shirt that says “Fuck Kobe“. It is not for the feint of heart. We’ve sold the shirt for awhile, but maybe never truly examined the impetus behind its inception. So we researched a bit about why we feel the way we feel about Kobe.

We have, for your entertainment and education, compiled The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.*

*We started with Top 10 Things We Hate About Kobe…but this just kept growing. Odd. So we give you, now, The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.

10. “Pulling a Kobe Bryant” is an actual, and certainly unflattering, entry in Urban Dictionary.

9. Shaq, “The Big Aristotle Scatalogical” wrote and performed an inspired rap for Kobe with a tremendous hook you’ll have a tough time getting out of your head.

8. Giving yourself (really) the nickname “Black Mamba” after having been sued for rape. Bad Idea Jeans. Additionally the name Black Mamba was originally for a escort turned crime-fighter

7. Nothing says, “I love you” like a $4,000,000, 8-carat ring…except for maybe a bad tattoo with your wife’s name, your self-awarded butterfly crown and a pair of tribal wings lifting your tarnished wedding band from the ashes. We’d lay even money she would have settled for your simply not taking advantage of a 19-year old hotel employee. Call us old-fashioned.

6. We’re not even sure where to begin with his recent photo shoot. It’s not cool to clown a guy for wearing a burka and trying to bring awareness to the undeniable oppression women in many muslim countries endure…but, really, wtf?

5. This one is sort of a reach, but we thought it pretty comical when Kobe was suspended for “unnatural acts” during the course of play. Unfortunately, this didn’t involve donkeys. It was simply Kobe throwing his hands out to the sides after he shot, yes on offense, and smacking defenders about the head, neck, chest and breast area in an attempt to draw a foul. We love that the Mamba was suspended for consecutively loosing teeth in Manu and Marko’s respective mouths.

5a. One of our fondest memories is Kobe and Boise State’s own Chris Childs getting lippy in a game. Kobe just ran his mouth. Childs punched him in it. Twice. It was kind of amazing. And who fights Reggie Miller? Reggie Miller is like that super-annoying 8-yr old who lives on you block…I mean, sure, he’s a first class asshole, and you want to hit him sometimes, but you never would because, I mean, look at him. He’s 8. Moreover, then you’d have to fight his younger sister too, and she’d probably hand you your lunch. And that’s just embarrassing.

4. His own coach, who many consider one of the greatest coaches of all time, quitting…then penning a biography called Mind Games in which he both calls Kobe “uncoachable” and reveals that Kobe used to sabotage his own high school games to keep them close…so he could win them in the end. Granted, Phil Jackson returned to Kobe and The Lakers…so we’re not entirely sure whose ego would win in an Indian leg wrestling match…but that is another argument for another blog for another author.

3. Kobe will be remembered as one of the all-time greats. Period. He will be remembered that way, because he is one of the all time greats. He may be the first great, however, to be remembered as a selfish player. Does he make his teammates better? Jordan made Pimpin one of the NBA’s 50 Greatest Players (sorry Scottie, but we think your success had a lot to do with 23.) Kobe railroaded Shaq, a legit Top 10 player of all time, out of town, but not before throwing him under the marriage train. But, honestly, name one player who has truly elevated his game as a result of Kobe’s play and leadership. Really. We’d argue Lamar Odom has a higher ceiling than Pippen, but not nearly the impact. Certainly a lot of that is on Odom, but a “great player” makes others around him better, not disappear.

2. Any time your called the A-Rod of the NBA you are doing something wrong.

That is true, but weak, so we give you…

2a. Getting such ridiculously favorable calls from the refs that Ralph Nader sees fit to pen a letter to David Stern outlining the injustices of his preferential treatment…and how it affects global warming. We’re not sure what’s more amazing about the letter below…the fact that Nader saw fit to get involved, or the fact that the Sacramento Kings were (1) in a playoff series during the 2000’s and (2) had a chance to close out the Lakers in 6. What a precipitous drop the last 8 years have proven for the Maloofs.

1. Iron Mike Tyson is on your side. Though we freely admit that Kid Dynamite’s bit part in The Hangover was inspired business and went a long way to making Mike more human…the truth is he is also a rapist, woman-beater and having him in your corner can’t be a good sign.

We don’t intend the title to insinuate we believe that the USA will be bringing the actual World Cup home…we hope that is the case, of course. Nor do we reference our recent bid to bring the World Cup tournament back to American soil in 2022. The title refers to an entertaining and wildly educational blog post from The Unlikely Fan wherein the author, one Brendan Hunt, equates each of the 2010 World Cup sides to the American sports team they most closely resemble…in style, history, colors or fan base. It is a fun read…and makes picking the teams that will (most likely) advance from group play much easier. That said, there is always a Valparaiso.

Cameroon is the new Boise State. Irrepressible charisma, mandatory viewing and impossible to root against. Most of that I made up…but The Unlikely Fan does have Cameroon as BSU…which will make hard to root against them if they play the USA in the semis or finals. Not that hard, I guess.

Either way, we suggest boning up on a little ethnocentric edumacation that speaks a language the casual/non fan can appreciate. I mean, can you really see the New Jersey Nets getting over on the New York Jets?

New Jersey sucks, but we freely admit the Nets now have the most interesting ownership going. Hands down. Russian Playboys and rap megastars…come on. This picture of Mikhail Prokhorov and Jay-Z breakfasting together with the Mayor was, well, 6/7 totally awesome and 1/7 weird dream. You know, between the two of them, they had 198 problems, and though none of Hov’s were about women, we fear that nearly all of Prokhorov’s may be.

Either way, Jersey sucks and we’ve the shirt if you second that emotion.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, we give you our Top 10 Weight Room-Challenged NBA players…

10. Paul Pierce. AKA “The Truth”. The truth is, he could stand to lift a few weights. He was almost excused from this list because he got stabbed in the face in 2000. He must be a badass…even though some contend he was faking those injuries as well.

9. Brian Scalabrine. Though this list is in no particular order, Brian was #1 on our “Top 10 NBA guys who look like Michael Rappaport“. He actually came in as numbers 1 – 9 and Matt Bonner finishing the list at #10.

8. Jared Dudley. Somehow this guy went on the Steve Nash No Sugar diet and got even softer since college. And the backstreet beard isn’t helping angulate that jaw. At all.

7. Rudy Fernandez. Can someone please send us a pic of this guy firing up a cigarette during a timeout? We know something like that exists.

6. Zach Randolph. ZeRo is not his bodyfat %.

5. Marc Gasol. Marc wins this battle of the Gasol brothers everytime. Kudos though, it appears Marc trimmed up a bit this season. And got himself McConaughey hair do to match his new physique.

4. Chris Kaman. Not even sure what to say. At least the hair went. Well it went a while back, we should say at least the haircut (or lack thereof) went. We would gladly take Kaman on our team, however.

3. Mehmet Okur. Will someone get this guy a Mehmo about where to find the gym? He’s no Ostertag, but someone had to carry on the soft, Utah Jazz center position tradition.

2. Charlie Villanueva. Not this Villenueva, who we are fairly sure works out… Alopecia is an excuse for wearing a headband to board meetings, but no excuse for being puddingy.

1. Sheed. His game is pretty soft now too.

So, those are our ten. Please feel free to chime in if you feel we’ve missed someone who may have missed a few workouts.

A buddy shared this Nike WC commercial with us this week. It is definitely worth the watch if you’ve the 3 minutes to spare…and even if you don’t. The commercial, however, raises the point once more…what the Kaka was Dunga thinking leaving Ronaldinho off Brazil’s World Cup roster…entirely…not even providing a provisional spot for the artist formerly know as Ronaldo de Assis Moreira? I bet Nike was pissed after giving Ronaldinho such prime coverage in this commercial…and am even a little surprised they weren’t able to influence Dunga. At least a little.

By the way, only 19 days, 20 hours and 57 minutes left until Mexico v. South Africa.

You’d like to think one has to achieve something, anything, at the highest level to be given a nickname. That, or something equally dubious. “Wilt the Stilt” has done both. Evidently, as this faily comprehensive list of NBA nicknames points out, you don’t often have to do much.

We say “fairly comprehensive” because though it has “The High-Ayatolla of Slamola” assigned correctly (we assume) to Larry Nance, it has some glaring omissions like “Pale Rider” for Keith Van Horn. Maybe if a murderer gives you a nickname it doesn’t count.

We think the best one on this list may be the nickname supposedly bestowed by “The Round Mound Of Rebound” to Sam Cassell, and that is: “Gollum”. We were always kind of partial to Ant Man, until reading that. It is kind of rough, because, admittedly, Cassell’s game is one of our all time favorites.

Please supply us with any nicknames you like, but didn’t see on the list.