Dear Supwitchugirl,

Thank you for the relevance.

Eternally,
Mark Morrison

Oregon’s biggest hit since LeGarette Blount just uppercut the world wide web last week. Supwitchugirl, whom we admittedly know nothing about and will freely fabricate backstory where needed, just released a sequel on par with Godfather II, Empire Strikes Back, Aliens and Breakin’ 2: Electric Bugaloo as creations that rival and perhaps surpass the original.

Supwitchugirl, though talented and creative, had not hit the proverbial tipping point until the Oregon trio released “I Love My Ducks” in the fall of ‘09. It went down as, perhaps, the best college football fan anthem ever created. I mean, “Holy moly, is that my boy Masoli? Cookin’ up the offense like he’s cookin’ ravioli” is truly inspired work…taking that to a Spicoli / E.coli rhyme and a 300 average when he goes Rose Bowling was some serious next level shit.

For the record, that was not Masoli cookin’ up the offense, that was Masoli breakin’ and enterin’, which is exactly unlike poppin’ and lockin’ (is that Van Damme?).

Here is the gritty og, aka “I Smell Roses”:

Notice the innovative nighttime and moving camera shots, the cell-phone quality “inside Autzen clips”, the limited and off-duty access to Donald the mascot Duck.

Flash forward, if you will, to late September 2010 and Supwitchugirl’s much ballyhooed and über-hyped follow up effort….”Return of the Quack”. The University knows a good thing when they see it, and by good thing I mean merchandising opportunity. Of the one million or so views of all the versions and remixes of the original, you know a chancellor of this or that watched, brought it to a dean’s attention who viraled it to a president who decided…all access passes to the field, the cheerleaders and the mascot were an order.

Anyhow, you can plainly see two things in this follow up effort…Joey Harrington is really awkward and Supwitchugirl are now some heavy-hitters in Eugene with a bit of Phil Knight-like backing. Oh my video production quality…

The video is such a bittersweet thing for us. On one hand, as serious Boise State fans, we find it really cute and wish our little brother-like Ducks well…and on the other we are super envious and almost inspired enough to get the man band back together. Almost.

Either way, Mark Morrison, you owe Supwitchugirl some love after your youtube relevance must have skyrocketed in recent weeks. I know I found myself watching and rewatching this gem. Is he from UK? If not, is his steering wheel? Enjoy, and think of rollerskating parties past…

Wow. Upon further review, both Kriss and Kross, at age 11, are harder than I was / will ever be.

If, somehow, the Big 12 is exceptionally persuasive and manages to stem the flow by not only retaining the Texas and OK schools, but also wooing the power from the MWC, I say Boise State roll the m-effin’ die and take their program independent for three seasons, or until all this settles and the BCS contract is done anyhow. How bold would that be? Suicide? Perhaps…but, honestly, the only reason ESPN bothers to sign a contract with the WAC is for BSU. Call me myopic, but I can see no meeting in which ESPN TV execs are clamoring and banging tables and outright demanding they land the Idaho – Utah St. game in a primetime slot. So, it seems, BSU would not be without TV money (and TV money they would not have to split with SJSU), and a TV deal that could even be more lucrative than what the current deal offers…or a move to the MWC and their stunning array of broadcast partners might be able to provide. If nothing else, BSU has become “Must-See-TV”™ on ESPN.

Free of most delusions, I am aware Boise State remains a circus in many people’s eyes (circus, get it)…an appetizer that deserves a slot on Tues/Wed/Thurs/Fri evening and need not be anointed Saturday afternoon network royalty…both aware and certainly OK with this. I’ll ride the reputation of “upstart spunky trickster” right to the NCAA championship game. Gladly. Can you put a price tag on near weekly, national exposure on a stage void of competition for viewers’ eyeballs? Well, I’m sure people smarter than I could, but I cannot. I can’t tell you which is worth more to the BSU Football Broncos…the extra $3 million they’d receive in tv partnerships through the MWC and it’s affiliates (who are seen exactly nowhere in the US outside of Laramie, WY and a few hotbeds in central UT), or national exposure on ESPN at least every other week. Would BSU have landed New Jersey’s Kyle Wilson without its ESPN exposure?Texas’ George Iloka and his amazing Kwamé tribute do? If you don’t remember the hip hop superstar with a logo dedicated to his high top fade, here is an amazing video from “The Bone Age”.

Either way, Kwamé’s questionable fashion notwithstanding, as of this morning, University of Texas is toying with following Mizzou’s lead (what?) and pledging its allegiance to the Big 12. Hey Texas, the only reason Mizzou stayed is because the Big 10 jilted the Tigers at the alter. You understand they would leave tomorrow if the if the opportunity arose? Don’t get me wrong, I think a limited expansion to a Big 10/12 (what would they call this conference now) and a Pac 12 is perfect…if those conference do not poach the current MWC lineup. That would be ideal…however, the economics of the situation almost demand schools like Utah, TCU, BYU and BSU jump when they can jump…and though we’re fine blaming BYU for loads of other things, we couldn’t blame them for pulling a Jeffersons and moving on up…but we can hope it doesn’t happen.

Whatever. The entire future of NCAA Football and the tradition of “the little guy” hinges on the 2010 Boise State Campaign…and we just received word that though BSU fans will be outnumbered approximately 84,367 fans to 5,633 when Boise takes on VaTech in DC this Labor Day the Boise State Broncos opened as 2.5 point favorites. Wow. Much respect given Trickeration Nation.

Kobe Bryant is the most polarizing player in the NBA. Some people love Kobe. Others love to hate him. We happen to fall in the latter camp. So, yes, we sell a t-shirt that says “Fuck Kobe“. It is not for the feint of heart. We’ve sold the shirt for awhile, but maybe never truly examined the impetus behind its inception. So we researched a bit about why we feel the way we feel about Kobe.

We have, for your entertainment and education, compiled The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.*

*We started with Top 10 Things We Hate About Kobe…but this just kept growing. Odd. So we give you, now, The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.

10. “Pulling a Kobe Bryant” is an actual, and certainly unflattering, entry in Urban Dictionary.

9. Shaq, “The Big Aristotle Scatalogical” wrote and performed an inspired rap for Kobe with a tremendous hook you’ll have a tough time getting out of your head.

8. Giving yourself (really) the nickname “Black Mamba” after having been sued for rape. Bad Idea Jeans. Additionally the name Black Mamba was originally for a escort turned crime-fighter

7. Nothing says, “I love you” like a $4,000,000, 8-carat ring…except for maybe a bad tattoo with your wife’s name, your self-awarded butterfly crown and a pair of tribal wings lifting your tarnished wedding band from the ashes. We’d lay even money she would have settled for your simply not taking advantage of a 19-year old hotel employee. Call us old-fashioned.

6. We’re not even sure where to begin with his recent photo shoot. It’s not cool to clown a guy for wearing a burka and trying to bring awareness to the undeniable oppression women in many muslim countries endure…but, really, wtf?

5. This one is sort of a reach, but we thought it pretty comical when Kobe was suspended for “unnatural acts” during the course of play. Unfortunately, this didn’t involve donkeys. It was simply Kobe throwing his hands out to the sides after he shot, yes on offense, and smacking defenders about the head, neck, chest and breast area in an attempt to draw a foul. We love that the Mamba was suspended for consecutively loosing teeth in Manu and Marko’s respective mouths.

5a. One of our fondest memories is Kobe and Boise State’s own Chris Childs getting lippy in a game. Kobe just ran his mouth. Childs punched him in it. Twice. It was kind of amazing. And who fights Reggie Miller? Reggie Miller is like that super-annoying 8-yr old who lives on you block…I mean, sure, he’s a first class asshole, and you want to hit him sometimes, but you never would because, I mean, look at him. He’s 8. Moreover, then you’d have to fight his younger sister too, and she’d probably hand you your lunch. And that’s just embarrassing.

4. His own coach, who many consider one of the greatest coaches of all time, quitting…then penning a biography called Mind Games in which he both calls Kobe “uncoachable” and reveals that Kobe used to sabotage his own high school games to keep them close…so he could win them in the end. Granted, Phil Jackson returned to Kobe and The Lakers…so we’re not entirely sure whose ego would win in an Indian leg wrestling match…but that is another argument for another blog for another author.

3. Kobe will be remembered as one of the all-time greats. Period. He will be remembered that way, because he is one of the all time greats. He may be the first great, however, to be remembered as a selfish player. Does he make his teammates better? Jordan made Pimpin one of the NBA’s 50 Greatest Players (sorry Scottie, but we think your success had a lot to do with 23.) Kobe railroaded Shaq, a legit Top 10 player of all time, out of town, but not before throwing him under the marriage train. But, honestly, name one player who has truly elevated his game as a result of Kobe’s play and leadership. Really. We’d argue Lamar Odom has a higher ceiling than Pippen, but not nearly the impact. Certainly a lot of that is on Odom, but a “great player” makes others around him better, not disappear.

2. Any time your called the A-Rod of the NBA you are doing something wrong.

That is true, but weak, so we give you…

2a. Getting such ridiculously favorable calls from the refs that Ralph Nader sees fit to pen a letter to David Stern outlining the injustices of his preferential treatment…and how it affects global warming. We’re not sure what’s more amazing about the letter below…the fact that Nader saw fit to get involved, or the fact that the Sacramento Kings were (1) in a playoff series during the 2000’s and (2) had a chance to close out the Lakers in 6. What a precipitous drop the last 8 years have proven for the Maloofs.

1. Iron Mike Tyson is on your side. Though we freely admit that Kid Dynamite’s bit part in The Hangover was inspired business and went a long way to making Mike more human…the truth is he is also a rapist, woman-beater and having him in your corner can’t be a good sign.

A buddy shared this Nike WC commercial with us this week. It is definitely worth the watch if you’ve the 3 minutes to spare…and even if you don’t. The commercial, however, raises the point once more…what the Kaka was Dunga thinking leaving Ronaldinho off Brazil’s World Cup roster…entirely…not even providing a provisional spot for the artist formerly know as Ronaldo de Assis Moreira? I bet Nike was pissed after giving Ronaldinho such prime coverage in this commercial…and am even a little surprised they weren’t able to influence Dunga. At least a little.

By the way, only 19 days, 20 hours and 57 minutes left until Mexico v. South Africa.

I’d like to personally thank Melo’s People of Utah for supporting the cause and ordering a few hundred F-Kobe tees. Actually, it is more 4th & Forever’s People of Idaho who got the shirts and drove to SLC to sell said shirts in bars, parking lots, temples and dark alleys before Game 3. Jazz Fan, your support, efforts, faith and venom is appreciated…though, seemingly, ineffective. It’s like a bad vampire movie from the 80’s and no one can figure out Kobe’s weakness…somebody page the Frog Brothers.

In fact, Kobe is so cold-blooded, he took time in between series to do a “Here’s what I’d look like if I had my marriage to myself sealed in the Temple when I come to SLC to break your hearts Utah Jazz fans” photoshoot. No one knows what the hell this shoot was about, but for the 801 devout. This was a slap in the face, akin to Jordan’s slapping away Bryant Russell’s weak hand check in ‘98, but Kobe just punched an entire fanbase and faith in the mouth. And may lead the sweep as well. Ugh.

At least the few fans who didn’t show up in the correct Operation Fuck Kobe wear did show some creativity. Well done, our white top hats off to you both.

I believe I heard, but am too lazy to research, that teams are 88-0 in NBA playoff series after taking 3-0 lead. I’m not putting nails in Utah’s coffin, here…only saying they have their work cut out for them. Someday, much like the whole 16 vs. 1 seed in the NCAAB tourney, that unblemished record will fall. It has to. Doesn’t it?

In the meantime, Jazz Fan, Phoenix has not simply finished nailing, but they’ve also buried you. Arizona-area Fuck Kobe orders started rolling in last night after Steve got Nashty all over the Spurs. Does that dude bleed everytime they play? If it happens, we look forward to Nash directing Operation Fuck Kobe Part 2, and hope, like is so often untrue in life, that the sequel is better than the original. Go Suns.

I mean go Jazz. You can do it.

Now, we didn’t actually say that LT drinks a girl’s beer (as far as he knows), but we did do a tribute shirt to Lawrence Taylor, or, more specifically, to his awesome earwear. It is on special for $12 until we run out, or he comes back to NY. The OG LT, not the new LT.

Maybe pros are superhuman. Wade Boggs allowed us to see that certain professional athletes are a breed apart…on and off the field. Various, wildly unreliable sources, report that Wade put down 64 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight. Google it. It is even referenced, and partially acknowledged, on Wikipedia…which, admittedly, can be viewed as a dubious source in itself. If you remain a non-believer, let’s go straight to the horse rider’s mouth….

Boggsy would certainly be putting that beer’s slogan to task as well…after 64 beers we can’t believe you’d still be chanting, “Tastes Great! Less Filling!!” But that’s just us.

Now, all this is simply a JV matinee, or single-A ball when compared to Andre The Giant’s legendary feats. If you are unfamiliar, acquaint yourselves with one of the world’s biggest, if you will, drinkers. And pour some out. We understand that it may be tough to listen to a bunch of ex-wrestlers sitting at a roundtable like CNN Crossfire or something talking about Andre downing 156 beers in one sitting, but this story is just one of many you can find with a little research.

And because some of you out there don’t believe wrestling is a sport (us included), we had to put this shirt up on our sister site, No Star. It isn’t exactly Andre The Giant…it is Bizarro Luchador Andre as “El Gigante.” It, too, is both awesome and on sale for just $15. Pick one up, maybe a few. Ha! Get it? You will if you look at the shirt.

This amazing ad aired in game one of the Nugs – Utah series. I’m not sure which is more amazing, however…the buzz this ad created, or the fact that whoever is now running the Jordan ad campaigns doesn’t have an HQ video readily available online to get all H1N1. Viral video has to be a huge component of successful campaigns these days…we feel that exactly unlike Melo in game one, Nike/Jordan dropped the ball on this one. So it goes. Enjoy it here as videotaped on betamax through a window on a neighbor’s tv…it’s certainly still worth the watch.

This ad is so good, they not only borrowed inspiration from Monty Python for the floating-head-ascension graphics, but even squeezed in a flock of the Utah state bird.

If one of the 2 or 3 people who occasionally read this thing could please find a decent quality version of this commercial and forward it to us, it would be greatly appreciated.

In taking his unranked team to the #1 spot in the polls (and recording his 32nd 20-win season in the process), Jim Boeheim was voted the AP Coach of the Year. Boeheim worked wonders with a team that lost its top three scorers from the previous season…that said, it remains a bitter disappointment not to be in Indy this weekend. We have no doubts now that Syracuse was the best team in the country, when we had Arinze. He completes us. Sorry. Getting weepy again. And using pronouns like “us” and “we”.

In the meantime, this video explores a day in the life of Jim Boeheim’s big cardboard effigy. Honestly, it only really comes together in the last few scenes.