The LeBron clamor has finally died down to a tolerable din, and we at 4th & Forever consciously let in-house emotions settle a bit before releasing our LeBron shirt, officially the 372,569th tee shirt about LeBron that has been created since James decided to take his talents to South Beach. In the end it was a very, very good thing we waited. Our emotions were running so high after “The Decision” we initially designed False Prophet employing the “Comic Sans” typeface…a virtual death sentence for any designer. It is more than simply difficult to regain one’s street cred after he or she makes the mistake of publishing any media that uses Comic Sans, and we only wish Cavs’ owner, Dan Gilbert, would have observed the two minute rule before hitting send on his vitriolic, scorned-lover sort of stream-of-consciousness condemnation of all things LeBron…typed in Comic Sans. I don’t even think it was in bold. I think people would have taken his curse-casting email a little more seriously (Not Jesse Jackson sort of seriously, but who does?) had he used something more boring, though time-tested, like Helvetica. Just saying.

And that said, here are the color choices we’re thinking about for False Prophet…our long-overdue follow up to “Witness Protection Program” we released after the “Lebron getting dunked on and the video being confiscated by Nike” scandal. Please let us know your thoughts. Please get this in the hands of Dan Gilbert before the return of the King. We’d like to see the entire arena in these shirts for that game (and every other game, for what it’s worth…which is worth a lot, to us).

The Shirt will be available in the next few days. Keep an eye on our site, and register for our newsletter. The newsletter is generally filled with important bits of wild misinformation and comes out about two times a year. Maybe three.

In the meantime, peep this beautiful contribution to the cause…and that cause being: making the world a better place one new craft beer at a time. A brewery in Ohio just released a “QUITNESS” IPA that, so very appropriately, leaves a decidedly bitter taste in your mouth. Awesome.

Kobe Bryant is the most polarizing player in the NBA. Some people love Kobe. Others love to hate him. We happen to fall in the latter camp. So, yes, we sell a t-shirt that says “Fuck Kobe“. It is not for the feint of heart. We’ve sold the shirt for awhile, but maybe never truly examined the impetus behind its inception. So we researched a bit about why we feel the way we feel about Kobe.

We have, for your entertainment and education, compiled The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.*

*We started with Top 10 Things We Hate About Kobe…but this just kept growing. Odd. So we give you, now, The Top 10 or So Reasons Why We Hate Kobe.

10. “Pulling a Kobe Bryant” is an actual, and certainly unflattering, entry in Urban Dictionary.

9. Shaq, “The Big Aristotle Scatalogical” wrote and performed an inspired rap for Kobe with a tremendous hook you’ll have a tough time getting out of your head.

8. Giving yourself (really) the nickname “Black Mamba” after having been sued for rape. Bad Idea Jeans. Additionally the name Black Mamba was originally for a escort turned crime-fighter

7. Nothing says, “I love you” like a $4,000,000, 8-carat ring…except for maybe a bad tattoo with your wife’s name, your self-awarded butterfly crown and a pair of tribal wings lifting your tarnished wedding band from the ashes. We’d lay even money she would have settled for your simply not taking advantage of a 19-year old hotel employee. Call us old-fashioned.

6. We’re not even sure where to begin with his recent photo shoot. It’s not cool to clown a guy for wearing a burka and trying to bring awareness to the undeniable oppression women in many muslim countries endure…but, really, wtf?

5. This one is sort of a reach, but we thought it pretty comical when Kobe was suspended for “unnatural acts” during the course of play. Unfortunately, this didn’t involve donkeys. It was simply Kobe throwing his hands out to the sides after he shot, yes on offense, and smacking defenders about the head, neck, chest and breast area in an attempt to draw a foul. We love that the Mamba was suspended for consecutively loosing teeth in Manu and Marko’s respective mouths.

5a. One of our fondest memories is Kobe and Boise State’s own Chris Childs getting lippy in a game. Kobe just ran his mouth. Childs punched him in it. Twice. It was kind of amazing. And who fights Reggie Miller? Reggie Miller is like that super-annoying 8-yr old who lives on you block…I mean, sure, he’s a first class asshole, and you want to hit him sometimes, but you never would because, I mean, look at him. He’s 8. Moreover, then you’d have to fight his younger sister too, and she’d probably hand you your lunch. And that’s just embarrassing.

4. His own coach, who many consider one of the greatest coaches of all time, quitting…then penning a biography called Mind Games in which he both calls Kobe “uncoachable” and reveals that Kobe used to sabotage his own high school games to keep them close…so he could win them in the end. Granted, Phil Jackson returned to Kobe and The Lakers…so we’re not entirely sure whose ego would win in an Indian leg wrestling match…but that is another argument for another blog for another author.

3. Kobe will be remembered as one of the all-time greats. Period. He will be remembered that way, because he is one of the all time greats. He may be the first great, however, to be remembered as a selfish player. Does he make his teammates better? Jordan made Pimpin one of the NBA’s 50 Greatest Players (sorry Scottie, but we think your success had a lot to do with 23.) Kobe railroaded Shaq, a legit Top 10 player of all time, out of town, but not before throwing him under the marriage train. But, honestly, name one player who has truly elevated his game as a result of Kobe’s play and leadership. Really. We’d argue Lamar Odom has a higher ceiling than Pippen, but not nearly the impact. Certainly a lot of that is on Odom, but a “great player” makes others around him better, not disappear.

2. Any time your called the A-Rod of the NBA you are doing something wrong.

That is true, but weak, so we give you…

2a. Getting such ridiculously favorable calls from the refs that Ralph Nader sees fit to pen a letter to David Stern outlining the injustices of his preferential treatment…and how it affects global warming. We’re not sure what’s more amazing about the letter below…the fact that Nader saw fit to get involved, or the fact that the Sacramento Kings were (1) in a playoff series during the 2000’s and (2) had a chance to close out the Lakers in 6. What a precipitous drop the last 8 years have proven for the Maloofs.

1. Iron Mike Tyson is on your side. Though we freely admit that Kid Dynamite’s bit part in The Hangover was inspired business and went a long way to making Mike more human…the truth is he is also a rapist, woman-beater and having him in your corner can’t be a good sign.

New Jersey sucks, but we freely admit the Nets now have the most interesting ownership going. Hands down. Russian Playboys and rap megastars…come on. This picture of Mikhail Prokhorov and Jay-Z breakfasting together with the Mayor was, well, 6/7 totally awesome and 1/7 weird dream. You know, between the two of them, they had 198 problems, and though none of Hov’s were about women, we fear that nearly all of Prokhorov’s may be.

Either way, Jersey sucks and we’ve the shirt if you second that emotion.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, we give you our Top 10 Weight Room-Challenged NBA players…

10. Paul Pierce. AKA “The Truth”. The truth is, he could stand to lift a few weights. He was almost excused from this list because he got stabbed in the face in 2000. He must be a badass…even though some contend he was faking those injuries as well.

9. Brian Scalabrine. Though this list is in no particular order, Brian was #1 on our “Top 10 NBA guys who look like Michael Rappaport“. He actually came in as numbers 1 – 9 and Matt Bonner finishing the list at #10.

8. Jared Dudley. Somehow this guy went on the Steve Nash No Sugar diet and got even softer since college. And the backstreet beard isn’t helping angulate that jaw. At all.

7. Rudy Fernandez. Can someone please send us a pic of this guy firing up a cigarette during a timeout? We know something like that exists.

6. Zach Randolph. ZeRo is not his bodyfat %.

5. Marc Gasol. Marc wins this battle of the Gasol brothers everytime. Kudos though, it appears Marc trimmed up a bit this season. And got himself McConaughey hair do to match his new physique.

4. Chris Kaman. Not even sure what to say. At least the hair went. Well it went a while back, we should say at least the haircut (or lack thereof) went. We would gladly take Kaman on our team, however.

3. Mehmet Okur. Will someone get this guy a Mehmo about where to find the gym? He’s no Ostertag, but someone had to carry on the soft, Utah Jazz center position tradition.

2. Charlie Villanueva. Not this Villenueva, who we are fairly sure works out… Alopecia is an excuse for wearing a headband to board meetings, but no excuse for being puddingy.

1. Sheed. His game is pretty soft now too.

So, those are our ten. Please feel free to chime in if you feel we’ve missed someone who may have missed a few workouts.

I’d like to personally thank Melo’s People of Utah for supporting the cause and ordering a few hundred F-Kobe tees. Actually, it is more 4th & Forever’s People of Idaho who got the shirts and drove to SLC to sell said shirts in bars, parking lots, temples and dark alleys before Game 3. Jazz Fan, your support, efforts, faith and venom is appreciated…though, seemingly, ineffective. It’s like a bad vampire movie from the 80’s and no one can figure out Kobe’s weakness…somebody page the Frog Brothers.

In fact, Kobe is so cold-blooded, he took time in between series to do a “Here’s what I’d look like if I had my marriage to myself sealed in the Temple when I come to SLC to break your hearts Utah Jazz fans” photoshoot. No one knows what the hell this shoot was about, but for the 801 devout. This was a slap in the face, akin to Jordan’s slapping away Bryant Russell’s weak hand check in ‘98, but Kobe just punched an entire fanbase and faith in the mouth. And may lead the sweep as well. Ugh.

At least the few fans who didn’t show up in the correct Operation Fuck Kobe wear did show some creativity. Well done, our white top hats off to you both.

I believe I heard, but am too lazy to research, that teams are 88-0 in NBA playoff series after taking 3-0 lead. I’m not putting nails in Utah’s coffin, here…only saying they have their work cut out for them. Someday, much like the whole 16 vs. 1 seed in the NCAAB tourney, that unblemished record will fall. It has to. Doesn’t it?

In the meantime, Jazz Fan, Phoenix has not simply finished nailing, but they’ve also buried you. Arizona-area Fuck Kobe orders started rolling in last night after Steve got Nashty all over the Spurs. Does that dude bleed everytime they play? If it happens, we look forward to Nash directing Operation Fuck Kobe Part 2, and hope, like is so often untrue in life, that the sequel is better than the original. Go Suns.

I mean go Jazz. You can do it.

The at times interminable regular season has drawn to a close, and the NBA playoffs have begun. Rejoice in having games that matter and players giving if not everything than at least a bit more than they did last month by taking 25% off 4th orders this week. Use coupon code HOOPS25 at checkout. So feel good about getting that Fuck Kobe shirt you’ve always wanted. As a tribute to the Black Mamba himself, it is now available in black. The (Sunday) home white shirt is still available as well for you traditionalists.

As and added bonus buy a Deez Nugs tee and receive a Birdman shirt for only $10. Use Birdman10 for that discount at checkout.

Use both coupon codes and rob us blind.

This amazing ad aired in game one of the Nugs – Utah series. I’m not sure which is more amazing, however…the buzz this ad created, or the fact that whoever is now running the Jordan ad campaigns doesn’t have an HQ video readily available online to get all H1N1. Viral video has to be a huge component of successful campaigns these days…we feel that exactly unlike Melo in game one, Nike/Jordan dropped the ball on this one. So it goes. Enjoy it here as videotaped on betamax through a window on a neighbor’s tv…it’s certainly still worth the watch.

This ad is so good, they not only borrowed inspiration from Monty Python for the floating-head-ascension graphics, but even squeezed in a flock of the Utah state bird.

If one of the 2 or 3 people who occasionally read this thing could please find a decent quality version of this commercial and forward it to us, it would be greatly appreciated.

In a season that would rival any other in Syracuse basketball history, this surprise Orange team won the hearts and minds of all SU faithful…even after dropping an exhibition game to LeMoyne. Leading that charge was the charismatic, high-flying Wesley Johnson. A quiet kid, with a big smile and even bigger hops wowed fans all season long with improbable finishes and monstrous blocks. We heard good things about this Iowa State transfer before the season began, but couldn’t have expected anything close to what Johnson brought to the table.

Today Wes declared for the NBA draft, and will not waffle as an agent hiring is in the works. We cannot blame him, and must assume he just never got our emails or voice messages imploring him to stay one more year to work on his dribble-drive game. So it goes…guess he can do that next year while on the job.

So, with only 35 games in an Orange uniform, Wesley will go down as one of the greats…and the team as a group of over acheivers that somehow came up just a bit short, if that is possible.

And with that, we close the door on this season and begin looking forward to next. After the US wins the World Cup, of course.

Go Orange.

This article breaks it down quite nicely…some guys get away with tampering with the fabric of our dimension, some guys do not. Some guys can double dribble through the time-space continuum, others will assuredly get whistled.

Is it awkward that Dwight now wants to be the modern day Superman, and they both established that persona with the Magic?

Which former Magic teammates, in their prime, would win this 2-on-2 battle: Shaq and Penny vs. Dwight Howard and Rashard Lewis?

And a little Shaq-Fu for nostalgia’s sake.